Write down everything you are angry about and/or fear in life. Burn it.
Before...
I'm a bit aprehensive about this project but acknowledge that anger and fear both play a major part in my day to day living. Being one not to avoid such things, I am going to try and redirect my focus on these two things because honestly, I'm anxious about the fear and I'm angry about the anger! Nothing will ever totally eradicate either of these two traits and nor should they. Without the inhale there would be no exhale, as the buddhists would say. How do I think I will feel during and after this project?
I imagine, if I allow the raw emotion that I will feel ever ounce of it. I imagine the buring will bring a sense of empowerment and control.
Here we go....
You know what... it just made me feel calm. It was good to SEE what all this anger and fear is (eventhough I am fully aware of these things in my mind, making them physical does something else). They are still inside of me, they didn't go away but they are not as dominant as they could be.
The hardest part was tearing up the anger and the fear. And while it did feel REALLY good, it is not something I have done before as I normally keep these 'records' as a memory of what was/is. Now I am ready to burn these bitches!!.....
The burning is the fun part, that is for sure!! goodbye anger and fear!
After...
I actually feel really good. Dare I say calm?
Anyone who knows me after work on a December day knows that this is very far from the norm.
I consider myself a strong single woman at 38 years of age.
It comes at a cost.
I lost the love of my life at 35 and adjusting to the "young widow" label was very confronting. And here we are in 2013, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I speak out regarding issues I am passionate about, I am honest and I might say things you do not like.
Labels are bullshit and are largely created for the sheeple of society. You know the ones, they need to pigeon hole you so that they can then judge you. What a load of crap! I've been labelled so many things in this life, some derogatory, defamatory, depersonalising & yes, even the odd revering comments have come my way from time to time. All of them meaningless unless you have faith in oneself.
Society has far too many expectations on the widow/ single women in their 30s.
It honestly is beyond a joke!
One either mopes around wearing a head to toe black costume OR is the career bitch without a care in the world for anyone but herself. Both these extreme stereotypes I find offensive, by the way.
Apparently, I should have had children by now or have found new love. I have neither. Nor do I crave them. I have found happiness in the chaos & I do not take for granted that I now can laugh every day. I have an opinion, a mind of my own. I have a voice and I will use it. Take the opportunity that you have been granted with and run with it.
I didn't choose where I am but I do choose who I am.
By day, I am an Admin Manager, in a male dominated environment. I have to be strong & assertive. Some might say "a bitch", I'd rather call it an individualistic approach to a managerial position. By night, I am a hopeless romantic that enjoys the solace of silence with a glass of Margaret River red wine (thank you to my fabulous Nanna for introducing me to the finest wines in the country!). My animals are the only creatures allowed to make noise in my home after 5, unless of course, I have a craving to pull out my vinyl. TV is poison (Louis Theroux excluded).
I dream of a life with my rescue animals, my loved ones and my journal. It is quiet and peaceful yet at times busy and full of madness. Life is for living. Stereotypes are for the uneducated.
