Elephants, grief and the zoo

When an 11 month old baby dies, it wreaks havoc on any family. An accidental death with an "approved and safe" toy.  Imagine a half-sibling is due to be born within days of this death. Think about the bereaved mother having to grieve her son and then be surrounded by the sounds and smell of a newborn. What about the older siblings that miss their mischievous brother and are then almost immediately provided with a new baby in the family. This entire situation would be beyond torturous.

Welcome to the Elephant enclosure this week at Melbourne Zoo.

Condolences and congratulation messages have swamped the Zoo's Victoria facebook page. Both are filled with honest and raw emotion. Rightly so. My first thoughts were filled with anger and sadness. I hope they have removed that fucking toy that caused the death of Sanook! I don't understand how such accidents can occur in an environment that attracts so much media attention, donations and funding. Yet here were are.  A toy has taken the life of a young calf and I start to think about elephants and grieving.

Elephants carry their grief for extensive periods.  They shed tears. They show signs of what humans call clinical depression. They come together as a family (or herd) and look out for one another. It is common for Aunts to mourn very closely with the Mother of a deceased calf.  They take the process of goodbye pretty seriously too. They perform burials and can spend days at the site. You can watch clips on YouTube of Elephants and respect they show the body of another who has died. It is pretty moving stuff. Beautiful and soft creatures these giants are.

I wonder why the staff at the Melbourne Zoo removed the body of Sanook after only a few hours. I can only assume that the viewing (aka paying) public couldn't be kept from seeing the elephant enclosure.Apparently the elephants are clearly in grief and have been seen huddling together. They are quiet and withdrawn but also looking out for the new mum. Surely during such a highly emotive week these creatures have the right to be spared prying eyes.

If a human baby accidentally died at home and a new baby was to be entering the family within days that child services would be all over it like a rash. Do young animals have that same right to scrutiny and safety?

RIP Sanook. Xx

today i burnt my anger & my fears...

Write down everything you are angry about and/or fear in life. Burn it.

Before...
I'm a bit aprehensive about this project but acknowledge that anger and fear both play a major part in my day to day living.  Being one not to avoid such things, I am going to try and redirect my focus on these two things because honestly, I'm anxious about the fear and I'm angry about the anger!  Nothing will ever totally eradicate either of these two traits and nor should they. Without the inhale there would be no exhale, as the buddhists would say.  How do I think I will feel during and after this project?
I imagine, if I allow the raw emotion that I will feel ever ounce of it. I imagine the buring will bring a sense of empowerment and control.

Here we go....

You know what... it just made me feel calm. It was good to SEE what all this anger and fear is (eventhough I am fully aware of these things in my mind, making them physical does something else). They are still inside of me, they didn't go away but they are not as dominant as they could be.

The hardest part was tearing up the anger and the fear. And while it did feel REALLY good, it is not something I have done before as I normally keep these 'records' as a memory of what was/is. Now I am ready to burn these bitches!!.....

The burning is the fun part, that is for sure!! goodbye anger and fear!

After...
I actually feel really good. Dare I say calm?
Anyone who knows me after work on a December day knows that this is very far from the norm.

heartbeat

our arms linked as we wandered through the city streets

we didn't care for the snickers and the stares

and i,

i could feel your heartbeat

a flicker

a flame

a fervidness

to blame

i rested my head on your shoulder as the music played

we didn't care for the world that night

and you,

you could feel my heartbeat

a whisper

a whetting

a whirlwind

to tame

in your firm embrace to bid goodnight

we didn't care for the rules or the righteous

as i,

i could feel your heartbeat