one

why fight it when we know it

its over

you & me

a thing of the past

im not going to chase you

for it hurts

and my pride cant take it

you've changed

or maybe i have

either way

now is for a new

beginning

today i am one

pour your misery down on me....

Last week I asked about inspirations and aspirations to be inspiring. My previous two entries got me thinking another aspect of influence (you can read them here and here), known as "the drainer", "Debbie Downer" or "Negative Nancy".

Who brings you down? Who drains life/happiness from you? 

And most importantly, why do you continue to allow them significance in your life?

Upon hearing the news of poor Peaches Geldof this week a friend and I talked about how there are people out there who put on the happy face.  These people you never think have a problem in the world, nothing serious anyway.  They live their days trying to accept life as it has been handed to them (kind of like a hand of cards, not always great but you work with what you have been dealt).  They may be quiet & blend in to society or they might be loud and in your face.  You'll never know.  Then there are those that always have something negative spin on everything they, you & everyone else says, they can change your once happy mood to a somewhat apathetic one and after spending time with them chances are you are in desperate need of a stiff drink and/or a nap!

Everyone knows I am not the happy-bright-bubbly-everything-is-fucking-great-kinda-gal, I prefer to label myself as somewhat cynical, curious and a say-it-how-it-is individual.  To be honest, the "Positive Polly" types drive me up the wall with their constant smiles and sunny view on everything (surely they are hiding something right? I mean, I just know they are serial killers or are drug runners or they skin people and wear them as hats! ).  Anyway, I digress...

Most of us at some point will have experienced the 'Debbie Downer' in the form of a parent/guardian.  At times it would seem that everything you do is wrong, every idea you have is wrong and even as an adult you might still be spoken to as a Dim Witt!  Is there anything more annoying than being spoken to like you are brain dead and incorrect by the very people that are supposed to support and guide you in life?  I am not a parent (of a human) but I wonder, do parents ever look upon their offspring as individuals or are they always looked upon as children?  Do they speak to other people younger than themselves in the same way?   Have you had to deal with a negative parent?  How did it make you feel?  As a kid?  As an adult?  Do you still carry their judgement?  Did you confront the problem or do you just accept it? Why?

We could ask those same questions of our Negative Nancy friends and acquaintances (aka 'facebook friends').  Sometimes I honestly do wonder if they are happy bestowing their misery on everyone?  Surely pointing out the negative all the frigging time says much much more about the person spouting than the receiver right?  Have you ever thought about what drives the Negative Nancy?   What are they getting out of putting you and everyone else down all the time?  Do they ever have a valid point?  Or is it just poor delivery?
I used to be sucked in by these types of people.  I thought they were right and others were to frightened to speak the truth.  I mean, it takes a brave, honest and confident person to speak up and point out the obvious (ie, negative) correct?  NO! Not correct!  It, in fact, takes a brave, honest and confident person to stand up and give you a well deserved compliment, heartfelt advice & the truth (whether it heals or hurts).  After years of reassessing everything and everyone I discovered that drainers are just that... drainers!   I now reject their bullshit & I call them on it too. I don't know about you but if I want to feel bad about myself, I don't need someone else's input, I can do that on my very own.  Let the haters hate and the lovers love.

What is your experience?

Here are some lyrics that might remind you of someone....

                                          "Only Happy When It Rains - Garbage"

                                            I'm only happy when it rains 

I'm only happy when it's complicated 
And though I know you can't appreciate it 
I'm only happy when it rains 

You know I love it when the news is bad 
And why it feels so good to feel so sad 
I'm only happy when it rains 

Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me 
Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me 

I'm only happy when it rains 
I feel good when things are going wrong 
I only listen to the sad, sad songs 
I'm only happy when it rains 

I only smile in the dark 
My only comfort is the night gone black 
I didn't accidentally tell you that 
I'm only happy when it rains 

You'll get the message by the time I'm through 
When I complain about me and you 
I'm only happy when it rains 

Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down 

You can keep me company 
As long as you don't care 

I'm only happy when it rains 
You wanna hear about my new obsession? 
I'm riding high upon a deep depression 
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) 

I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) 
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) 
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) 
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me).

aspire to inspire

This week I was having a discussion with a close friend that lead on to who we look up to in 2014?  Or do we look up to anyone at all? As they pointed out, sometimes it only takes one person to change the direction of your life.Could it be senior family members? your partner? teachers? artists? writers? friends? or someone else?  In history we have some pretty amazing role models to look to for inspiration but in this age of 'now' that we live in, do we still look at icons from yesterday?

We probably all start out by aspiring to be like the parent (or another significant person) that shares the same gender as us.  To stereotype it, for examples sake, little girls will often be seen with dolls in a stroller pretending to be just like Mummy.  I was lucky to have some strong men and women surrounding me as a child. I learnt much about being independent, questioning what was presented to me and how to care for others.

As a kid I loved watching music videos.  I recall being in pure amazement at strong females like Annie Lennox and Cyndi Lauper.  These women didn't obey the rules, instead they pushed both gender & political boundaries.  I didn't understand sexuality but I did understand 'gender roles'.  These ladies stood up to those social norms and screamed FUCK OFF!  My 9yr old self was in complete awe and I wanted to be just like them.  I knew of no other females in my circle of humans that strove for such things.  I can confidently say that these women did change my outlook on the roles females can play in society.

Throughout my school years I found myself searching for tales of people that fought and won.  Some of these were authors, artists, and some of my friends that were significantly older than I.  I have always had a thirst for knowledge of experience.  I loved the word 'why', I still do and I will never stop asking.  Questioning everything keeps me young, I am sure.  I love to hear stories, see through someone else's eyes, to try and learn a lesson from their words.  And this is the reason music will always rank so highly.  Lyrics speak volumes and during times when I had no words, certain songs spoke on my behalf.

Today I find myself inspired by strong women like Shirley Manson (more than just the front woman of rock band Garbage) and Vivienne Westwood (more than just an iconic fashion designer).  These women speak to that 9yr old in me that was besotted by the empowerment displayed by Annie & Cyndi.  In my every day life I surround myself with some of the most outstanding and amazing people one could ever hope to meet. Some of them have faced & conquered adversity that regular folk such as I can only imagine (my favourite Latin phrase "per ardua ad astra" sums it up perfectly).  Others remind me of things a bruised heart needs to remember.  Maybe they know their impact, maybe they don't.  That doesn't really matter does it?

I have asked a number of people about inspirational people in their lives.
The most common response was that their family inspired them. In general, Mums would inspire a nurturing side and Dads would inspire strength and nobility. Many of you said that you were inspired by your peers which was really heartwarming I have to say.  I even had one person tell me that they didn't look to anyone for inspiration.  My first reaction was "Wow! This individual must live so contently in their own life, amazing!"  Interestingly not many people looked up to the celebrity.  This really shocked me considering the dominant presence they hold in our day to day lives.  I learnt about some inspiring people that I had never heard of such as Nick Vujicic (you really should check out his story!).  One of the most poignant statements came from a friend who said his life was forever changed by one of his teachers....

"I was a very loud and aggressive boy. Single Mum, oldest male in family and as puberty set on I was even more aggressive and violent. Unsure now looking back if that is how I felt inside or how I thought how I am supposed to act. Played rugby and was very much prototypical boy.  The drama teacher taught me for all 5 years at high school. 2 classes by year 12. The first impression was weird and kinda soft. By the end he had taught me more about me and what being male could mean not had to be.  You know me now and probably connect with me because of the effect this teacher had on my life & self."

As I get older I really want to help others see that they have choices when their family, work, significant others and the telly tells them that they don't.  Sadly, I think that today there is a lack of significance toward the positive role model.  Maybe I am wrong (I hope I am).  

Who inspires you?

 Do you aspire to inspire? 

How?

iris apfel
vivienne westwood
shirley manson