pour your misery down on me....

Last week I asked about inspirations and aspirations to be inspiring. My previous two entries got me thinking another aspect of influence (you can read them here and here), known as "the drainer", "Debbie Downer" or "Negative Nancy".

Who brings you down? Who drains life/happiness from you? 

And most importantly, why do you continue to allow them significance in your life?

Upon hearing the news of poor Peaches Geldof this week a friend and I talked about how there are people out there who put on the happy face.  These people you never think have a problem in the world, nothing serious anyway.  They live their days trying to accept life as it has been handed to them (kind of like a hand of cards, not always great but you work with what you have been dealt).  They may be quiet & blend in to society or they might be loud and in your face.  You'll never know.  Then there are those that always have something negative spin on everything they, you & everyone else says, they can change your once happy mood to a somewhat apathetic one and after spending time with them chances are you are in desperate need of a stiff drink and/or a nap!

Everyone knows I am not the happy-bright-bubbly-everything-is-fucking-great-kinda-gal, I prefer to label myself as somewhat cynical, curious and a say-it-how-it-is individual.  To be honest, the "Positive Polly" types drive me up the wall with their constant smiles and sunny view on everything (surely they are hiding something right? I mean, I just know they are serial killers or are drug runners or they skin people and wear them as hats! ).  Anyway, I digress...

Most of us at some point will have experienced the 'Debbie Downer' in the form of a parent/guardian.  At times it would seem that everything you do is wrong, every idea you have is wrong and even as an adult you might still be spoken to as a Dim Witt!  Is there anything more annoying than being spoken to like you are brain dead and incorrect by the very people that are supposed to support and guide you in life?  I am not a parent (of a human) but I wonder, do parents ever look upon their offspring as individuals or are they always looked upon as children?  Do they speak to other people younger than themselves in the same way?   Have you had to deal with a negative parent?  How did it make you feel?  As a kid?  As an adult?  Do you still carry their judgement?  Did you confront the problem or do you just accept it? Why?

We could ask those same questions of our Negative Nancy friends and acquaintances (aka 'facebook friends').  Sometimes I honestly do wonder if they are happy bestowing their misery on everyone?  Surely pointing out the negative all the frigging time says much much more about the person spouting than the receiver right?  Have you ever thought about what drives the Negative Nancy?   What are they getting out of putting you and everyone else down all the time?  Do they ever have a valid point?  Or is it just poor delivery?
I used to be sucked in by these types of people.  I thought they were right and others were to frightened to speak the truth.  I mean, it takes a brave, honest and confident person to speak up and point out the obvious (ie, negative) correct?  NO! Not correct!  It, in fact, takes a brave, honest and confident person to stand up and give you a well deserved compliment, heartfelt advice & the truth (whether it heals or hurts).  After years of reassessing everything and everyone I discovered that drainers are just that... drainers!   I now reject their bullshit & I call them on it too. I don't know about you but if I want to feel bad about myself, I don't need someone else's input, I can do that on my very own.  Let the haters hate and the lovers love.

What is your experience?

Here are some lyrics that might remind you of someone....

                                          "Only Happy When It Rains - Garbage"

                                            I'm only happy when it rains 

I'm only happy when it's complicated 
And though I know you can't appreciate it 
I'm only happy when it rains 

You know I love it when the news is bad 
And why it feels so good to feel so sad 
I'm only happy when it rains 

Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me 
Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me 

I'm only happy when it rains 
I feel good when things are going wrong 
I only listen to the sad, sad songs 
I'm only happy when it rains 

I only smile in the dark 
My only comfort is the night gone black 
I didn't accidentally tell you that 
I'm only happy when it rains 

You'll get the message by the time I'm through 
When I complain about me and you 
I'm only happy when it rains 

Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down) 
Pour your misery down 

You can keep me company 
As long as you don't care 

I'm only happy when it rains 
You wanna hear about my new obsession? 
I'm riding high upon a deep depression 
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) 

I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) 
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) 
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) 
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me).