It's a controversial topic 'hate'. We are told when we are younger to never hate anyone, that to hate is bad, that we should focus on love instead. To hate is a sin. To me this is totally ludicrous. Without black there is no white. Without winter there is no summer. Without day there is no night.
Makes sense?
The definition of hate is (as per dictionary.com);
verb (used with object)
1.
to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hatebigotry.
2.
to be unwilling; dislike: I hate to do it.
verb (used without object)
3.
to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.
noun
4.
intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.
I would think, by definition, hate shows strong character and a confident belief. To allow oneself to experience both the negative and the positive of emotions seems like a healthy balance. Society wants us all to focus on love and positive things so we 'feel good'. Is it really that bad to experience the negative and 'feel bad'? It is when either extreme consumes someone that problems arise.
Constant hate is a drainer. It can take over your mind, your body and your soul. It can take over your life and destroy everything. Being infected with intense hate is not a choice but finding a way to accept it and keep on living is. Hate, like love, is really only a projection of our values.
Self hate is probably the least socially accepted form. By that, I do not mean to insinuate that racial/gender segregation, prejudices, class wars and the like are necessarily welcomed but they are acknowledged and we hear about them every night in the news. When was the last time you saw a story that was derived from or linked to self hate?
What is it, to hate oneself?
I've read about 'autophobia' which is to have a fear of being alone. This could accompany self hate but isn't the driver behind it. Extremely low self esteem is the leader of self hate. The reasons behind this are varied and complex. Living with self hate is an all consuming state that taints even the happiest of moments. Common statements that feed the running commentary could be:
- i am worthless
- i am a failure
- i am intrinsically bad
- i ruin everything
- i cause bad things to happen
- i hurt people i love
- i deserve pain
It isn't a simple case of 'cheer up and look at the bright side'.
Self hate is an exhausting existence. Can you picture it in your own life?
When have you let self hate impact you and your relationships?
Self hate not only destroys the spirit of the person it inhabits but also can come across as a nasty lashing out at those that are deeply loved. It causes regret and pain. It robs the opportunity for balance. For those who have been victim to the experience of self hate, I am sorry.
I hate love - Garbage
My personal experience of self hate has included avoidance, starvation, self injury and an intoxicating depression. I have lashed out at myself and my friends. I have hurt myself and those I love and respect. I do what I can to find the balance but still find myself absolutely riddled with this all consuming virus of self hate. It is as it is. It makes living a challenge. Daily. It isn't nice or fun. However, I accept that it is an important experience, one not to be ignored.
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